Give as you would like to be given to.

My wife Melanie wrote up this little note about giving and helping people.  I thought I would share it here.

Decide to give.

Many people love to give at Christmas and there are plenty of people who need help or a pick me up. Over the years Bob and I have helped a few people get over tough spots in their lives. Here are a few tips to help you give without making the receiver wished you had never helped.

Give without conditions.

Give the help without strings. If someone needs help they rarely can pay you back. It's tough to have thanksgiving with your banker. Instead let it be a gift and tell them if they feel obligated to just pay it forward. There is always someone more needy than they are.

Give and move on.

Truly care for the people you help. This helps you not get the attitude of "I can now lord over you because I helped you with a $700 car repair".  If you have a problem getting angry with the persons lifestyle choices ie; they smoke and waste money and if you do give these smokers money you will stew over the wasted income this may not be your charity. Give with a cheerful heart or just don't do it. No one that needs charity/love is ever going to have their act together.

Don't be critical

I have been involved with many group projects of giving. Showing up to help and then criticizing them for having or owning something doesn't help and sours the momentum for the project and brings everyone down. Several years ago our group of friends went to help a lady who has terminal cancer. She had multiple dogs and I wondered about the ability to care for the dogs properly and did it add unnecessarily to the financial burden she bore. Soon I realized what a positive thing the animals were in her life. They gave her genuine affection and she was in short supply at that time. Just because you are giving someone help doesn't mean you should judge them.

Remind yourself again to give without conditions.  Don't invade their life, just help them out.   Christ gave to you without conditions why can't you do the same?

Last but not least, if someone is in a rough patch and you or your organization is going to help them giving them a list of things they need to do before the help is given will normally just make them want to leave. I have watched churches lose people left and right because they had to rummage through their finances etc etc. I would not go to church with a bunch of deacons who had gone through my check book and I bet the deacons doing this mess wouldn't either, but take a woman who's husband has left and suddenly those same men want her to have everything straight in her life in the midst of it falling apart. She needs a life jacket, but she is required to straighten the deck chairs first.

Bob's note: The above paragraph is a formula for hurting someone under the guise of helping them.   The intention is good, but the result is not.  We are never really critical of anyone that steps up to help, but sometimes folks (especially institutions) are not really aware of the negatives so it is important to point these out at times.   Melanie and I tend to work around institutions, because sometimes in the name of being accountable to their donors they inadvertently make people feel like beggars when they may not have even asked for the help to begin with.  The door is opened for a relationship when you give without conditions.  Only through a real relationship and lots of time spent (which is even harder than giving money) can you actually effect change in someone's life.   Giving material needs is just the start not the end.

When you give try to give like you would want to receive a gift.